


The Golden Ticket Job

by seraphina_snape



Category: Leverage
Genre: Chocolate, Crack, Gen, is Parker/Chocolate a pairing?, it should be, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphina_snape/pseuds/seraphina_snape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team takes a job that means they'll have to infiltrate a candy company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Golden Ticket Job

**Author's Note:**

> For **kissofcinnamon** , who wanted _a team fic in which the team must infiltrate a candy company!_ She also gets credit for the awesome title of this fanwork.

"This is the best job _ever_!" Parker crowed, cradling an assortment of different treats to her chest. "They have lollipops and hard candy and toffee and chocolate and licorice and all kinds of gummy stuff. I got Hardison like twenty packs of gummy worms and I sto—bought some of that fake Swiss chocolate you like, Sophie, and I didn't know if Nate even eats anything sweet, but then I found these little pralines and they're filled with some kind of cherry liqueur so I figured he'd like them. But Eliot didn't want any of the candy I sto—bought for him. He said--"

"Parker! Breathe!" Sophie said, making a 'slow down' gesture. "Did you happen to sample any of the chocolate while you were there?" she asked. 

"Yes!" Parker nodded enthusiastically. "They have twenty-seven types of chocolate." Parker smiled widely and sat down at the counter, letting her loot spill across the counter top. She picked up a small, brightly wrapped piece of candy, unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth. "Did you know that you can take a piece of caramel-filled chocolate and a piece of Oreo chocolate and put both of them in your mouth at the same time and it's like a caramel Oreo explosion of flavor?" 

"Parker." Nate sighed. "What about the other stuff?"

"Oh! They already have chocolate Easter bunnies and creme-filled chocolate eggs. I got a crate of them for--"

"The evidence you were supposed to get, Parker!" 

"Oh, that." Parker made a face. 

"Did you get it or not?" 

Parker scoffed. "Of course I did. They didn't even have a safe. Just a locked room and a locked filing cabinet. A locked filing cabinet! I can crack one of those in my sleep. I didn't even have to put my chocolate down to grab the files you wanted." She reached behind her and took out the files secured under her shirt. 

"I can see that," Nate said, taking in the chocolate smudges on the files. He took them, intent on handing them over to Hardison to start the process of getting the CFO of Crunchy Candy Inc. arrested. Then he frowned and rubbed his fingers together. "They're sticky." 

Parker froze, another piece of candy on the way to her mouth. "Oops," she said. 

Nate sighed again and dropped the files in front of Hardison. He sat back down and pinched the bridge of his nose. A second later, he scowled when he realized that the sticky sweet stuff on his fingers had transferred to his nose.

#

"This is the worst job _ever_!" Eliot growled, angrily fastening the velcro straps of his costume. "I can't believe you're making me do this, Nate."

"Oh, it can't be worse than this," Sophie muttered over the comms. "I've been in this stupid meeting for an hour and so far we've praised Bob's exceptional sales skills and sung the company song three times. _Three times_." 

"I'm wearing a freakin' chocolate bar costume," Eliot said through clenched teeth. "And they want me to go out like this. In _public_." 

"Three times," Sophie countered. "And none of these people can carry a tune."

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to sing that stupid song every time one of these ankle-biters comes up to me and asks." 

"They're called children," Sophie said. "And at least you can sing." 

Eliot growled, but didn't add that he'd also be required to dance the Happy Chocolate Bar Dance every time one of the kids asked.

#

Four hours later, Hardison had enough blackmail material on Eliot to last him the next ten years. The Happy Chocolate Bar Dance was a truly inspired piece of contemporary interpretive dance, made all the more poignant by being perform by a man-sized chocolate bar.

"Hardison, close up shop outside," Nate said over the comms. "We need Agent Thomas in here to make the investors nervous and spook the CFO into checking his safe deposit box."

"All right, give me two minutes and I'll be at the front desk." Hardison started locking down his van, only half-listening to Nate and the others. 

"Parker, how is it going?" 

Instead of giving a real reply, Parker only let out a manic giggle. 

"Parker?"

"It's fine, Nate. Everything is fine. I was at the bank earlier and switched the numbers." 

"Good," Nate said. "Sophie, are you at the bank yet? Do you have everything set up?"

"I'm good to go, Nate," Sophie said. "And very, very grateful to be out of that building." 

Parker giggled again. 

"Yeah, laugh it up," Eliot said, and Hardison flinched from the tone in his voice even though he wasn't anywhere close to Eliot. "I'm gonna burn this damn thing when this job is over."

Parker kept on giggling. 

"Parker? Are you okay?" 

"Fiiiiine." 

"Where are you?" 

"Did you know they're filling the chocolate Easter eggs in the basement? They have a machine that shoots this creamy sweet filling directly into the eggs and you can fit your head between the conveyor belt and the spout." 

Hardison's eye widened. "Parker! Please tell me you're not sticking your head inside industrial machinery!" 

"Okay." 

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I won't tell you that." 

Hardison groaned, running a hand over his face. 

"No time for that now, Hardison. Make an appearance, _now_. The meeting is about to wrap up, and we need the investors to reconsider." 

"Fine," Hardison said. He waved his badge at the front desk and strode towards the elevators, ignoring Parker's continued giggling and the receptionist's protests.

"I'm gonna go get her and take her home," Eliot said. "I need to change out of this freakin' costume anyway if I want to be at the airport before our mark."

"Thank you," Hardison said, straightening his tie knot. He put on a polite 'I'm here to fuck your shit up' smile on and briskly walked into the meeting room, interrupting just as Nate got to the end of his very convincing marketing pitch.

"Hank Crunch, CFO of Crunchy Candy Incorporated? I'm Agent Thomas, FBI. I'd like to talk to you about allegations of embezzling and misuse of company funds."

#

"Uhhhhh," Parker moaned.

"I have absolutely no sympathy for you," Sophie informed her sternly, but her hands were gentle as they placed a moist washcloth on Parker's forehead. 

Nate raised his eyebrows at her, and Sophie made a face at him. 

"You only have yourself to blame, Parker," Nate said, turning back to his crossword puzzle. 

Hardison came in, still in his FBI suit, closely followed by Eliot. "All done," he announced. "Eliot used his fists to get the henchmen to stay on solid ground, and I placed a call to our friends at the FBI who grounded Crunch's plane and then joined me to arrest the man." 

"I bet he was rather surprised to find all the evidence against him in that safe deposit box," Sophie said, smiling. 

"You could say that," Hardison replied with a smirk.

Sophie's cell phone chimed. "It's our client," she said, eyes skimming the message. "The board have reconsidered and offered her her old job back, with a raise and more vacation days." 

"Case officially closed," Hardison said, loosening his tie. 

"Good," Eliot said. He threw himself onto the couch next to Parker and took a chocolate bar out of his pocket. 

Next to him, Parker held her stomach and groaned. 

"What's wrong with her?" Eliot asked, biting into the chocolate bar with gusto. 

Parker made that pitiful dying animal noise again and turned her head away from Eliot. 

"Too much chocolate," Nate said. 

"She's been throwing up all evening." 

"It's Parker," Hardison said. "You put her in a chocolate factory. What did you expect?" 

"Pretty much this," Eliot said, smirking. He leaned a little closer to Parker, took a large bite out of his chocolate bar and started chewing loudly. 

Parker pushed him away, rushed for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.


End file.
